Julia’s Story
November 3, 2009 by Amy R.
Surprise Pregnancy (on birth control) – telling the father…
I am a 26 years old, and I have been divorced for 2 years. I am dating a nice man, and have been for the past 7 months. This is my first relationship since my divorce. Although I want children, eventually, I know that a 7 month relationship is too soon. I am on birth control. I have not missed a pill, and I take them at the same time every day.
March 31, 2009 was the first day on my period. April followed as an extremely busy month. I was moving back out of my parents house into an apartment. My sister was moving to Louisiana. There were some issues at work. It was my dad’s birthday, and tax season of course. My boyfriend and I only slept together one time the entire month.
Towards the end of April I started feeling different. My PMS symptoms are usually slim to none so I was surprise when my breasts were tender and I was feeling a bit crampy. I also noticed I was extremely exhausted after my gym workout, which is not normally the case. My period was due May 1 during a camping trip. The camping trip came and went with no sign of a period. I was thinking could I be pregnant? I am on birth control! Well I let a week go by and on May 7 I took a pregnancy test and got a POSITIVE. The same day I scheduled blood work with my Dr. It was true I was pregnant. Now how to tell my boyfriend of only 7 months… Did I mention he did not want children!
The next day the pregnancy weighed heavy on my mind. I had wanted a child so bad. My ex and I tried for years with no luck. Now I didn’t know if it was ok to be happy. I knew my boyfriend would take the news hard. That evening we were laying in bed and I decided I had better just tell him. “I have something to tell you” I said. He just looked at me. “I’m pregnant” I answered. Silence, followed by “Are you sure?” “Yes” I answered. More silence and he turned away. Whether it was hormones, fear, or just emotional release I don’t know but I started crying. No response from him. “I need time” he said. I knew I could not force acceptance onto him and I knew a fight would make things worse. Time is what I gave him. I went home that evening and cried – alone. The next day, Sunday, I went to his house as normal; but things were not normal. He did not want to talk about it. He did not want to talk to me. I sat there for a few hours with him watching TV and again went home and cried. It took about 3 weeks for him to get over the initial shock. It was a slow process, and a hard one. He wasn’t interested in Dr. appointments or ultrasounds. He wasn’t interested in baby stuff or names. I was 6 months pregnant before he finally accepted and got excited about the baby. Now he is a happy father.
It was hard feeling alone in the beginning, and it could have been worse. I feel lucky that he finally did accept this baby and didn’t run away. If you are like me and have a surprise pregnancy, I would suggest giving the man time to process it – as much as he needs. I think if I would have forced this on him he would have been quicker to leave. Little by little he got more excited. I started a blog so if he wanted to know what I was thinking about the pregnancy he could read about it. I showed him little purchases. When he got more accepting I day dreamed out loud about our child. I just let him take his time and now we can enjoy the remainder of this pregnancy together. So it is possible to have a surprise pregnancy – while on birth control. And although it is hard in the beginning it can be worked out!
Be sure to check out Julia’s blog – http://thatsmybabybunny.blogspot.com
